


Throw Away The Key

by BeautifulMessOfMe



Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Pirate Laws, Pirate Marriage, Same-Sex Marriage, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 18:22:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13886496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeautifulMessOfMe/pseuds/BeautifulMessOfMe
Summary: Jack has always had selective hearing.That bodes ill when he goes looking for advice on a possible marriage to his first mate





	Throw Away The Key

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Porsorodis24601](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Porsorodis24601/gifts).



> Before the mutiny or the curse!

"You, sailor!"

Ragetti jumped, jerking his head around to face Captain Sparrow.

"M..me, Cap'n?" He muttered nervously, unsure if the Captain was really speaking to him. What an honor that would be!

"Yes, lad. You." The flamboyant pirate confirmed. "I have a rather sticky predicament at hand and I would appreciate your assistance." 

Ragetti gasped softly and covered his mouth. "Bu..but Cap'n...I'm married, ya see?...Can't be doin' stuff loike tha' wif nobody else...""

Jack scrunched up his nose at the unexpected reply to his plea.

"Bloody 'ell, Rags!" Pintel snarled from where he was scrubbing the deck behind the boy. "Yer old mum drop ye' on yer 'ead one to many times er wat!?"

"Pint! Did'n ya 'ear wat 'e said?" The much slighter lad whimpered. "I dun wants to 'elp 'em wif 'is sticky perdicament..."

Sparrow looked back and forth between the two. Normally he'd be rather amused but at that very moment he was far too frustrated.

"I can assure you, son, that I have not now nor will I ever have any intention of helping you in committing adultery." He promised Ragetti with an annoyed sigh. "What I am seeking is advice. Now, If you would be kind enough to follow me to my cabin I can promise you both plenty of rum and a decent meal later on in exchange for a few moments of your time."

Ragetti looked at Pintel. Pintel looked at Ragetti then they both looked up at Jack.

"He's glad to be of 'elp, Cap'n." The larger man smiled, showing his rotted teeth. He clapped his younger matelot on the back to quickly reassure him.

Ragetti nodded silently next to Pintel, standing then to follow the Captain to his quarters. 

He still wasn't certain what a sticky predicament was or what the service of it would entail but if Pintel thought it was okay to go along it must not be too bad.

.....

"So wat's this problem 'a yers, Cap'n Jack?" The one eyed deck hand inquired as he sat nervously in front of Jack's desk.

His bony hands and fingers trembled slightly against the bottle of rum he was clutching.

"I believe I'd prefer to maintain my monotony in that answer." The Captain replied, propping his feet up on the other side of the desk, getting comfortable. "I'll ask the questions, sonny boy. You just sit there and divulge all that you have to offer to dear old Captain Jack." 

Ragetti nodded obediently.

"Good then..." Jack gave a good natured grin. "How long have you been entwined with your dearly beloved?" 

Ragetti swallowed rather harshly. "Since I were jus' a lad, Cap'n." He answered. "'Bout sixteen, I was." 

"A little young to be marrying, isn't it?" Jack questioned. "How old was he?"

"Twenty five, sir...Me mum finks the same...Says I shoulda staid wif her 'stead a' runnin' off an' marryin' Pinters." He looked a bit saddened by that.

"Do you regret it? At all? Even just a little?" Jack asked him then.

"Wha..? Oh! No sir, Cap'n!" The boy shook his head almost violently. "I luvs Pinters wif all me 'eart. I'd do it again an' again, I would. Marry 'im, I mean."

"Is that so?" Jack chuckled. "He sure seems to yell at you a lot, doesn't he?"

Ragetti shrugged. "Tha's jus' 'ow he is a lot a' times." He explained. "Bad temper an' all. He gets it from his Da he says...He can be real sweet, he can. Jus' dun loike to show it to most folk."

Jack hummed in reply, adjusting his feet on the desk.

Ragetti still looked a little uncomfortable but at least he was willing to talk.

"You like bein' married then, lad?" Jack posed, taking a swig from his own bottle of rum. "What's it like?"

Ragetti looked down at his hands awkwardly for a moment, as if searching for the right answers there. Jack waited patiently.

"Dun rightfully know 'ow to put it, Cap'n." His dopey crewman finally spoke. 

"Try." Sparrow urged him. 

Ragetti looked back down again, his hands now clasped together and fidgeting. He'd sat the bottle of rum down beside his chair on the floor. 

"Bein' married's the most wonderful fing in the world, Cap'n Jack." He said honestly. 

"It is, is it?" The Captain chuckled. "What makes you say that, me lad?"

Ragetti managed a smile. "It's real noice gettin' to share all yer stuffs wif someone ya luv. I quite loike all the cuddlin' too. Kisses an 'ugs and all manner 'a romanic fings...Makes a bloke feel real special when 'is luv tells 'im 'ow he feels 'bout 'im as'well."

Jack sighed softly and grinned to himself. "Right...Thank you very much, Mister Ragetti." He nodded to the boy. "That will be all for now. You may return to whatever it was you were doing before."

......

Later that same week, an unusually clear night fell over the Black Pearl. Not a cloud could be seen; only the stars shimmering high in the night sky, and the glowing moon that accompanied them.

Twigg was manning the helm, staring out onto the calm Caribbean waters as he steered the Pearl in the direction of Shipwreck Cove.

It was not often that pirates had the chance to truly relax but in moments like these a man could almost forget all of the worries that haunted his mind. Almost.

"Lovely night, itn't it?" The Captain's voice caught Twigg off guard.

"Aye..." He breathed a sigh of relief after the fright he'd been given. "To what do I owe the pleasure 'a yer company, Cap'n Sparrow?"

Jack strolled up to the helm from his cabin doors. "Thought I might have a word with you, mate." He admitted.

"What kind 'a word?" Twigg raised, a hint of suspicion in his tone.

Jack held out a bottle, a peace offering, to the man. Twigg graciously accepted.

"Reckon I'll be willin' to 'ave a chat fer a swig or two 'a this." He grinned. "What's vexin' ya, Captain? I'm all ears."

"Something I'm sure you'll be very fruitful in advising me on." Sparrow replied. "Marriage."

"Marriage?" Twigg raised a brow in question and shock. "Why would you...?"

"Let's not worry about why. It's a rather personal matter." Jack stopped him. 

Twigg wasn't exactly keen on going into such a conversation but Jack was the Captain and the Captain made the rules. If Twigg wanted to keep his place onboard the Pearl it was best that he didn't defy Jack Sparrow.

"What would ye loike to know?" He asked his Captain obediently, if a little unenthusiastically. 

"Mostly if it's worth all the trouble it seems to cause." Jack confessed, uncorking his own bottle of rum with his teeth. "Up until this point I've been convinced that marriage is but a contest to see who can fall out of love the fastest."

"If that be the case, Cap'n, I don't think yer lookin' at people what are fit to be married in the firs' place." Twigg informed him, seeming to take offense to Sparrow's generalizing statement.

"Must be a lot 'a those folk in this world, eh mate? Run into an awful lot of 'em anyways." 

"Must be. If ye go about pickin' the right partner, there'll be no need worryin' 'bout that sort 'a contest." 

"Oh?" Jack's brow lifted with interest. "And how does one go about picking the right partner?"

Twigg kept his hands on the wheel, guiding the ship as their conversation carried on. "Want my true opinions on the matter?" He inquired. 

"Just so long as you don't get all soppy an' romantic on me." Jack assured. "I've had enough of that from young Ragetti."

"I'm not exactly at liberty to discuss romantic dealings outside my own union, Captain." The subordinate pirate admitted.

Jack gave a soft but well meaning laugh. "He's got your jewels finely strapped doesn't he?" 

"No..." Twigg almost growled in retaliation. "If you must know, it upsets him to hear me speak 'a such intimate doings with anyone else. So I don't."

"Seems to me that your man isn't one for any type of conversation." Sparrow prodded. "All I've ever gotten out of him is a few grunts and a nod of the head every now and again."

Twigg gritted his teeth. 

If only he knew. If only Captain Jack could see the scars littering Koehler's body. 

Silence had been beaten into him at an early age and it seemed to have stuck with him from there on out.

Twigg wouldn't tell the Captain, though. Nor would he speak of any other secrets entrusted to him. 

Koehler did not want pity and therefore, his fears and insecurities would be kept between them. 

"Did ya wanna 'ear my advice to you?" Twigg asked Jack, properly irritated now. "Or would ya rather stand there throwin' out slander."

"Alright, alright, lets here it." Came the eager answer. 

There was a lot that Twigg could say regarding love and marriage, but in his mind one thing stood out above all.

"You'll 'ave to learn 'ow to listen, Cap'n." He stated, his face stern. "Otherwise yer puttin' all yer faith in a sinkin' ship."

Jack scoffed. "Listen, eh?" He rolled his eyes. 

"It's the truth." Twigg stressed. "Ye wanna be 'appy with yer partner, ye make sure yer always listenin' to 'em. That's the key to it all. Mark my words."

"I was under the impression that love was the key." Sparrow started to frown.

Twigg shook his head. "What good is all that love if yer gonna be ignorin' the person what gives it to ya?"

Jack had to think on that one for awhile.

......

"My darling, you look ravishing this evening." Jack smiled seductively at Barbossa from where he was lying on his bed, undressed and more than ready for his lover to join him. 

Barbossa chuckled, not buying into the compliment. "Ye know, Jaack, when ye put up a poetry spoutin' front such as this it makes me think ye be wantin' somethin' 'a mine." He rasped to his Captain.

"Aye, luv, I do want something." Jack conceded. "I want you. All of you."

"Do ye' now?" Hector's grin crept like a snake across his face. 

"Yes. Come here, my dear. Join me. I have something very important to ask of you." The dark haired pirate, pulled a small shiny trinket from beneath his pillow and sat up on the bed.

Hector hesitated but just for a moment. He could clearly see the ring that Jack held and he knew what this was.

"Ye don't know what yer askin'." He attempted to reason with the young Captain as he approached.

"Oh but I do." Jack countered with a lovely smile of his own. "I've done my research on the matter and have since come to the conclusion that you and I should be wed."

He took Hector's left hand in his own, and presented him with the ring he'd chosen for him.

"Will you marry me, Hector?" He asked hopefully, looking up into pale blue eyes with his own dark brown ones.

"Now?" Barbossa was stunned but attempted to hide it. "Yer stark naked, Jack!"

"And fully prepared for our honeymoon should you accept my offer." Sparrow urged him. "So what do you say, darling? Yes?"

Hector rolled his eyes for show and smiled down at Jack. "I suppose." He surrendered.

"Wonderful!" Jack stood from the bed, slipping the ring onto Hector's finger and placing another into his right hand at the same time. "Now put this one on me."

Barbossa complied, sliding the second ring onto Jack's left hand.

"Do you, Hector Barbossa, take me Captain Jack Sparrow, to be your partner in every aspect of this life and on into the next?" 

"Slow down, Jack! I'll want to be rememberin' my weddin' day!" The first mate protested.

"You're supposed to say yes, me love." Jack sighed.

"Fine then! Yes! I do!" Hector agreed.

"Good. Now your turn..."

Barbossa muttered an unintelligible insult under his breath before continuing on.

"Do ye, Jack Sparrow,..."

"Captain."

"Apologies, ye pretty struttin' peacock!" Hector growled. "Do ye, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow, take me Hector Barbossa to be yer partner in every aspect 'a this life an' on into the next?"

Jack smiled wickedly at him. "I most certainly do..." he confirmed. "And as Captain, I now pronounce us married under The Code of The Brethren. Come to me now, my slippery seductive sea serpent..."

Hector met Jack's hungry lips which nearly engulfed his mouth whole and the two of them flopped over onto the bed to consummate their marriage. 

.....

"Cap'n an' Barbossa gots a lot to learn 'bout bein' married an' such." Ragetti voiced from the bunk he shared with Pintel. 

"Aye. I 'ope the best fer 'em both. Maybe they'll get the hang 'a things 'for it all starts comin' apart." His husband grumbled back, pulling him closer against his hairy chest.

A similar conversation was being had just a few hammocks over. 

"What do you make of it, luv? Think the poor blokes 'ave got a chance?" Twigg whispered in the dark, lips pressing softly to the skin of Koehler's neck.

The man in question grunted disapprovingly. "They'll never make it." He told his husband, relaxing into his embrace. 

They all knew the selfishness of Captain Jack Sparrow and they all knew the red hot wrath of Hector Barbossa. 

If neither made a move to change their ways and alter the course, they were heading for disaster and the crew would be going down with them when they reached it.


End file.
